I think it’s fair to say that the term “sexting” includes the transmission by mobile phone of naked sketches of oneself (or sketches that could be oneself). On the most miserable day of summer 2017, I was on the receiving end of my first ever sext. But before you start to think Weinergate, I should explain that this particular sext was sent to the 14 members of the “Doggies in the Park” whatapps group. So in truth, it wasn’t a sext at all. I just wanted to get your attention…….
When it snows in Canada, people get out their snow boots, Columbia titanium snow jackets and pants. When the sun shines in Rio, the lads and lasses don appropriate swimwear and hit the Copacabana. When it rains in Ireland, life stops. Actually, that’s not right, life doesn’t stop but for many people, life becomes miserable.
My son Luke was playing football yesterday morning. I generally use football matches as an opportunity to give Gertrude, my own personal babe magnet (A walk in the park (and Catherine)), a stretch. The forecast was not good so I threw some waterproofs in the boot with Gert and headed up to Deer Park. By the time we got to the Park it was serious cats and dogs (pardon the pun) and I thought Luke’s match might be cancelled. But nope-there was the coach, in shorts and flip flops, absolutely soaked and organising parents to carry goals from the clubhouse to the pitch. Parents, uniformly under-dressed for the weather, miserably helped set up the pitch while the boys shivered and sheltered under the nearest tree. Maybe I have the right clothes because I have a dog that needs lots of exercise but, as I comfortably lapped the Park with Gertrude, all I could think was “why the fark did you guys not gear up for the weather?” And to give you a sense of how wet it was, by the end of the game, the rain had penetrated my Dryjoy top!
I have often wondered if the reason that Irish people are so ill-equipped to deal with bad weather is that they have a sub-conscious Catholic guilt thing that we deserve to be punished. I mean, it’s not like rain is unusual in Ireland… Or maybe it’s a conscious thing. Irish people love to talk about the weather – and if it’s miserable, the banter is likely to be better.
So I wasn’t exactly surprised when the first message of the day to the Doggies in the Park Group landed around half time. It was Anne-Marie, my part time Airbnb consultant, and, sure enough, her message referenced the rain and her beagle, Scout, who, deprived of his normal walk routine, was wreaking havoc at home. It wasn’t long before Dara, owner of the hilarious Luna (pic.twitter.com/oD2TPC3w5s), advised that the rain meant she was undertaking a nude drawing workshop.
I wouldn’t know a lot about nude drawing workshops but I assumed that Dara was at home and that the subject of her art would be a lesser known but extremely handsome Irish poet. So you can imagine my surprise when the aforementioned sext hit my screen. Not a poet in sight. Instead, and I have been challenged on this interpretation, it looked to me like Dara had circulated a naked (very tasteful rear view :-)) skelfie. I think skelfie may well be the new word of the year for 2017.
If Kathryn is queen of the dog walkers, Dara is her social secretary. She set up our WhatsApp group, she is organising the dog walkers Christmas party and she is the person to whom we naturally gravitate when we are in the Park because she has a lovely dry sense of humour that is epitomised by the video clip. Her dog Luna is indeed a lunatic. She likes to fetch balls but she doesn’t like to release the ball so that you can throw it for her. It just occurs to me that a common theme among many of our dogs is undeniable signs of psychosis.
In any case, Dara denies that it’s a skelfie. Whoever it is she has a lovely figure but Heidi, owner of Aussie and Lulu, was immediately supportive of Dara saying “You have much better legs……”. That’s pretty typical of Heidi, mum, wife, dog owner and all round “sound lad”. But I’ll tell you more about Heidi on another occasion……